This is where things can become either frustrating, comical or both. I have come across many methods of customers attempts to convey these measurements to me, however the following are my favourites:

The ‘How Long is a Piece of String’ method – the customer digs around in her handbag and pulls out a piece of string. There are two knots in the string, one represents the width of the window, the other represents the drop. Two problems with this method….. which end is the starting end? Which knot is which?

The ‘Elastic Fantastic’ method – similar to the ‘How Long is a Piece of String’ method, except there are no knots. Fully stretched is the drop and half stretched is the width. HALF stretched? What the fuck is HALF stretched?

After 30 years in the industry, a customer finally came in with a new method. YAY!

The ‘I’m a Fucking Moron and Still Confuse Feet with Metres’ method – customer still has a handbag, but this time a piece of paper makes its way to the surface. OMG! A piece of paper! This looks REALLY promising! My elation was, however, short lived!

The customer tells me the width is ’3 feet’ plus ’89′. OK, I’m flexible, I can do imperial measurements…. but what is this ’89′ shit? Is it 89 mm? 89 cm? 89 inches?

The customer asks me to show her a measuring tape and she will explain it to me. I show her the tape and she gives me all sorts of grief about it being metric. Of course its metric! We went metric in Australia 41 years ago FFS!

OK, harsh I know, but sometimes customers are just plain STUPID!